No lust lost
by WickedEvil
Summary: Hilarys possessive crush on Kai, the dreams that haunt her and the misfortune shes cursed with transform her into a murderer.This story is absurd,horrific,strange and not for the lighthearted.
1. Chapter 1

Hilarys possessive crush on Kai leads to all things absurb, strange and horrific. Hilarys POV. Rated T to be safe.

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story, however some extras are invented off the top of my head.

Possible British slang, references to chavs and wide use of similes.

Chapter One

How am I supposed to feel watching him under the moonlight with _her_? Its so beautiful, I'm so jealous and yet I can't move, even if I wanted to snatch her hand away from him, to edge a little bit closer or to gaze daggers into her tender skin, I'm unable to. Its unbelievable but as I see her move closer to him, a look of longing in her dull unimportant eyes, I only feel my heart sink. _Why_? Yes, hes moving close too. I didn't even know that he knew her, I don't even know her, and yet there they are like two parts of a jigsaw puzzle joining together the way things are supposed to be, with me left out of the picture...This isn't right. It isn't supposed to be like this! And their lips..._their lips_...joining together and holding, staying, never moving. So passionate...So utterly vile! And then I find myself falling, as a boulder would down a steep hill, and waiting for me at the bottom-

"ARRGGGGHH!" I'm awake. A dream...or a nightmare. But _he_ was there, which makes it seem much more of a dream. I pull my blankets around me, guessing the time. Wake up now, waking up to the harsh reality that is my everyday life? I think I'll stay put for a little longer... I pull the blankets around me, finding myself shivering with fear. I'm paranoid, surely? Him and another girl?

Hello, I'm Hilary and until a couple of weeks ago, I never thought love was possible. Sure, I was put off love for an awful long time, but I'm growing old now- Its hard to believe that in around 20 years I will have children. Hard, yet likely. And now I find myself attracted to the most manly, delicious human boy around for miles. Is he a boy, or is he a _man?_ It's rather strange to see him in a different light to the rest. They are just boys, children even.They are nothing compared to him, and one day he will be mine..One day..my covers are pulled tightly around me, not only to stop shivering but to imagine. Imagine him holding me close, making me feel safe, making me feel _worth_ something. I can already picture him smiling at me, his arms grasping me and never letting go. And I want it to stay like that, using only my mind and some cheap but I have to wake up. I think I've just heard my Mum calling me down for breakfast, I dread to think what she has made for me, yet I'll savour it slowly. I need to recover fast.

I'm already out of my house, dressed in an outfit I like to call 'Lady Kai'...Ahh, its a short blue dress (I've always admired my legs) made of fine silk and showing my shoulders off for what they are. Perfect. And I _had_ to wear socks, my Old Man said "Hilary, I don't want you parading around the city dressed like a tart, especially not with those _boys_ you hang around with.." I only replied to him with a smirk and a shake of the head. He doesn't even know them, and to be honest he doesn't really know me either. My father works such long shifts, long and tiring and nerve-wracking, but I'm fine with it. My mother has to stay at home and take care of my three year old brother and after having a serious leg injury she isn't able to work even if she wanted to. But nevermind them. They are boring.Today I have a few errands to run, such as buying groceries and other items, I also need some new shoes and after that I'm perhaps going to visit Tyson, since it's a Saturday and I've got nothing better to do. I hope I can see Kai today. Please, Gods above, bring him to me!

End of chapter One

Just an introduction to my story. I hope you've enjoyed this fanfict, its my first, R&R and I will put up the next Chapter ASAP.

xxx Nicola AKA WickedEvil xxx


	2. Chapter 2

A very quick update on chapter two. Sorry if the language isn't easy to understand, I seem to be enjoying this so much that I'm using all the ideas I had stored in my head. Please R&R! If you have any fanficts you'd like me to read, I'd be delighted to know.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the characters in this fanfict!

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Chapter 2

Some days I feel so distanced from everyone its as if I'm a chicken in a birds nest,I'm different from the groups and no matter how hard I try it never gets any easier to accept. I suppose its because I'm a girl and I must be seen as a freak only ever hanging around with boys. It wouldn't shock me if some rumours stirred up and wrecked my life like what happened a year ago..

Last nights dream really was weird, I mean its not like I _always_ dream of Kai like that. Sometimes its best to ignore dreams, after all they don't mean anything. Do they? I hope not, or this could be trouble.

I'm walking to Tysons house right now, waiting for him to return to his home. Everything outside is so happy and bright, but I find it hard to be positive with all this strangeness going on. Its strange that a dream can occur from sleeping, perhaps in future I'll try to keep a diary on what happens and see if anything I do relates to the dreams I have. Lets hope theres more than just a conspiracy between the two. But the dream was most peculiar. Was that girl supposed to be me? In fact, I can't even remember what she looked like, so it could've been! Oh that has cheered me up quite alot. Apparantly Tyson isn't home right now, which means I walked all that way for nothing. "Hes at the library doing some revision for exams, he'll be back later", says his Grandpa in a rushed voice.I tell him that Tyson'll have to stay there all day if he hopes to pass. Grandpa just sighs.

There is absolutely nothing more satisfying than a phone call to an old friend. My oldest friend who I've known for years! She was originally an internet friend back when I was young, before my dreams of being a ballerina were crushed, and it was amazing to hear about her exploration journey to Bangledesh and how she needs to buy a new bottle of her favourite nailvarnish. Right, well the two adventures don't quite fit in with one another, but it was much better when she asked "What have you done lately?" And I replied in a long speech about the Beyblade tournaments and how I know the famous Tyson and "Yes, I did travel all around the world buying you sweet little presents but they might get damaged in the post if i send them so I had to give them away" which is a full-fledged lie. What I really wanted to say was "Why haven't you called me? Why should I be responsible for having to call you? If you were on benefits with a cripple of a mother and workaholic for a father, you'd see why I couldn't call!" but I couldn't exactly say that. I just said "Keep in touch" and put the phone down. Perhaps we were never exactly meant to be friends. I'm fine by that.

Hours must have passed since I tried visiting Tyson. I rang his house ten minutes ago but his Grandpa just said he was still "Away". I asked if anyone had gone with him. "Kenny had gone to brush up on some general knowledge, they left earlier this morning. You aren't the only one who wants Tyson home, Kai here has been waiting all morning". Kai! At that moment I placed the phone down and headed for the door. I didn't know why I did that though, I'd just mess things up. But since Grandpa is there I can use him as an excuse. You see, I have no grandparents of my own, no one to comment on how tall I've gotten.

Kai wasn't actually there, Grandpa said. I was so angry but all he did was tell me about how I should search for him at the local park. "He doesn't seem the sort to go there" I told him. He replied with "And you don't seem the sort interested in boys like that" he only muttered it but I heard it anyway. Damn straight I'm interested in him! Hell, if I found out he hated me I'd most probably throw myself off a bridge. We were made to be together. I did go to the park, but he wasn't there. I saw a girl I knew from school with a group of her friends. They waved and smiled but after I turned to walk out, I could hear their whispers and screeching laughter. I could've hurt someone. So I had no luck today with finding Kai or even Tyson. But any day now Tyson will tell me some important news that I've been dying to hear for weeks now. Heck, this could even decide if I continue "Playing it cooool" or if I go into angry mode. This news could decide what happens to me in the future...Lets just hope I get the answer I deserve.

So after a day of disappointment, I feel a long nights sleep is in order. I have the feeling something bad is around the corner and I pray its just a silly feeling, like phobias and how seeing what we hate can make us recoil without even thinking of what we are doing. Amazing and yet very frightening. So in one day I've had a weird dream, lost a friend and fallen for a Kai trick. Not such a bad day,though.. But could that change?

End of chapter two

How was that? Are you interested in finding out what news it is? R&R this and I'll put chapter three up as soon as I get some reviews! See you next time.

xxxxNicola - WickedEvil xxx


	3. Chapter 3

Argh, today has been so long. I'm just seeing how many reviews I can get, I want to know if I've got the right idea with the POV display. I'd love to know if there is anything I can do to improve this fanfict.

So anyway, I'm feeling rather depressed right now since my rabbit died an hour ago, her name was Bri, but my mum kept calling her Blossom. Its distressing. So I'm going to make this a sad chapter, since this was going to be a horror story as well. I'm going to ruin Hilary's life!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. Be cool if I did though.

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Chapter Three...3

How can this happen to me? What have I done wrong! Its as though just lately I've become cursed...ever since that dream.. and now this. THIS! A while ago I was so happy, the sun shone through the window in my bedroom reminding me of how summer had crept upon me as the Grim Reaper would a homeless person. My room, which I didn't get to describe, is tiny. I have a bed to one wall, a tv to the other and a closet opposite the window. I do have a chest of drawers, infested with woodworm and of not much use, but thats literally all I have. As I said, my parents aren't rich... Its all mismatched too which is why when I invited some girls over for a slumber party, they left before they even slept saying how they were 'grounded'. Terrible times. Yesterday as I came back from Tysons home my parents were sitting at the table in the kitchen silently. "Whats wrong?" I was expecting an answer but none came. I watched my mum as a single tear shed down her cheek. I couldn't bear to watch it so I escaped to my room. The tv was gone and as I checked my drawers I noticed my designer shirt was missing. "MMMUUUMMM!" I must have shouted so loud that it scared her because she burst into a fit of tears and sobs. I wasn't anywhere near her but I could tell she was mad at me. I shut the door. And it hit me. The news I had hoped to recieve was to do with my dad getting a bonus. He had told my mum who had told me that the company he worked for were sueing the manager for anti-social behaviour towards my old man and several other workers. My dad said if all went well he'd recieve a bonus and could pay off some of the debts. Obviously it was a complete disaster.

I stayed in my room all morning, still not 100 percent sure what had made my parents sell my things. I was just laying face down on my bed trying to work it all out, forgetting completely about Kai. "Hon?" It was my mum using a pet name. Normally I'd get called 'Hil' short for Hilary, but my family called me 'Hon' short for honey. They said it made perfect sense. I said it was nonsence. "Hone, I'm so sorry but I have news which may upset you.." I shrugged, face still buried in my pillow. "Dad lost the case, I know, I know." My voice was so muffled it took a while for my mum to answer. Or maybe she had trouble trying to put the news in a sentence? "Hon, thats only part of the news. You see, me and your father have decided that...our relationship has deteriorated so much that we are divorcing...And I'm wondering if you would like to come with me and your brother to a new city over a thousand miles way or stay with your father and move to Bangledesh. I hear you have a friend whos been there..." Her voice was distant and soft, as though she was trying to talk to my brother about 'sharing nicely with other children'. "I'm not leaving." That was all I could say as I buried my head so deep into the pillow I found breathing a task for the mighty. I didn't know when she left, I couldn't hear, I just hoped this was a dream. Yet when I fell asleep I had a dream, a real dream and this time it meant more to me than the last so much so that I almost found myself in peril.

The sky above was all I could see. It was a deep purple speckled with stars. And then I stood. Of course, in dreams you can't feel anything yet I found my limbs moved better than in real life. "Hello?" I called into what can only be described as 'No Mans Land'. "Is there anyone here?" I spun around noticing the lack of life forms. "I'm screwed..." I mumbled before slumping in a heap on the floor. I raised my hand to my face. An exact replica. "So then...are you going to cry now?" The voice was mocking but 'cool'. I wanted to reply but my mouth felt as though it was full of cotton. I wanted to wake up too, but I'm sure that this must mean something important. "Its ok to feel scared. Everyones scared sometimes." The figure appeared behind me- I heard a rustling of leaves and footsteps thudding on the ground- and wrapped its arms around me as though I was a royal treasure, wanted by all. I knew who it were just from the glipse I took. "Kai...why are you here?" It was so dark there that I felt had I not memorized his voice I would have been held by a stranger. I felt relaxed suddenly though.

"Would you kill if it meant being with me forever?" The question was odd.I found it unnerving too. And yet I had to reply.

"I'd kill if we were apart. I'd kill if another girl looked at you. I'll do anything you say...master" and with that I awoke.

The next day I was back at school. We were revising for the upcoming exams that counting for half our marks. Of course, due to the events over the past few days I had no idea what was going on, I just sat at my desk and tried to summarise my existance. At break, I sat alone watching a few of the boys play football. "Hey, Hilary? That news I had to tell you-"

"It was about my family, right? My mum wanted you to break it to me, I know, I know!"

"Actually it was. But _my_ news was about something different. My Grandpas sick, you see...and erm.."

"You want me to stay with you so that if anything does happen you have a back up plan and a sidekick?"

"And in one sentence too! Yes...I heard about your family, what do you think to my offer then?"

My heart lifted, because he said as soon as school was over I was to go to my home, pack my bags and leave.I was delighted.

End of chapter 3

Come on people R&R this PLEASE! I don't know if I should continue since its a bit 'topsy-turvey' and all over the place. I bet I could rewrite this but not as a diary...what do you think? I'm going to try and kill some characters next chapter. Maybe Hilarys brother (Who isn' real) ?

Ahhh.

xxxWickedEvilxxx Nicola x


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for the reviews. I think I will continue with this story, I shouldn't leave things unfinished, It'll come back to haunt me.

Those chapters have mainly been introductions and an example of her life, I wouldn't say much has happened so far. So lets change that! I have a lot of spare time now that I'm finished with school. 10 weeks until I return back as a sixth-former. Ahhh.

And as soon as I choose to go 'up town' I'm going to collect some material and start my 'Gothic Lolita Project' which should give me something to do. Anyway, enough with the notes already!

This chapters going to be a light-hearted one, maybe with some twists and turns. I'll see what I can find in my head.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. Damn.

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Chapter Four

These past few weeks have better than what has happened recently.Things have passed uneventfully and I feel fortunate. My parents are long gone, promising to write to me everyday and send gifts for my birthday (which isn't until October-ish time). I'd say things have been great. But there has been no sign of Kai. Two days ago I overheard Tyson chatting on the phone. I wasn't supposed to listen in but I had no choice - I wanted gossip BADLY. All of Tysons friends- They are my friends too - had gone back to their homes after the tournament but promised to keep in touch until the next tournament. I knew there wasn't going to be another tournament for a few months because exams were approaching everyone - all at different times, however. Tyson was talking about the usual things - school, Grandpa and other boring things that don't interest me. I actually heard him say "Oh, Hilarys living here now, its a shame too, I was sick of seeing her in school but now it looks like I've got to _take care of her_...Yes, shes as annoying as ever..." My ears had burned red, which is what people say when they think someones talking about them. I knew Tyson had said something, it didn't effect me as much as people'd think. Actually, I was glad to hear that he didn't like me too much, since everyone had always had suspicions. But the part of 'Taking care of me' he had said in a somewhat sneaky tone. Sometimes people say 'I'll take care of him/her' right before they hurt someone. I wasn't scared of Tyson.. Perhaps you are wondering where I was staying in his house. Well the truth is that his house has several rooms that are so undecorated it makes the whole scene a sight too painful to imagine. I'd always imagined Tysons home to be rather like a mansion, not just because of the dojo but because of how high up it was. Sometimes you could see the sun glinting off the windows and you'd find yourself wondering what room those windows belong to. Well, at the top of the house was a room which was much like a tank you'd find at the zoo. There were so many windows it was like I was on display at a shop, as though the room was just one giant window. But it also made me feel special since I'd always talked of how much I enjoyed the sun. Undecorated as it were, I could see ways to improve it. And after I'd confirmed that I would most probably be here until I leave school and Tyson had left the room, I started scrubbing the one wall that was a real wall, not one full of glass.

Of course, whereas some people would say the few weeks I was there 'things were boring' I'd say they were the best yet. Because they were peaceful.

Of course, today is much different. Its a Monday, schools over until tomorrow and Tysons been telling me how next weekend hes inviting all the Bladebreakers (Note: They don't stay as the Bladebreakers-this story is like the end of Season Two/start of three) over for the weekend. They'll have to sleep in the dojo, of course, but you know who is a member of the Bladebreakers..? Thats right, and as you can guess I am more than just a little excited. But I still have four school days to pass. So today isn't quite so peaceful. I've been told to stay with Grandpa since the old man has a fever, Tysons decided _he'll_ take care of the preparations. Which I find rather irritating since he'll probably rent some boring dvds and only serve food he likes. Heck, I don't know why he doesn't just leave it, then he can take them all with him and have a laugh over what to buy. So all day all I can hear is Tyson cleaning the house - because thats always step one. I can also hear the Old Man coughing. I should check up on him.

I haven't put much thought towards the dream where I was asked by the mysterious figure to do some sinning. I have tried to ignore it and get on with my life. I'm not insane, I know that, but I do feel as a lone apple would feel among the crabapple fields. And the actual meaning of that is 'Apples don't feel' but I'm sure if they did, they'd feel glad to be 'One better than the crabbies'. I'm more like a moth in a butterfly meadow, although thats what I'm treated like not how I feel. Its rather difficult to explain how I do feel towards what has happened. And I felt even more peculiar that as I headed out the door to hang out the washing, a rather familiar figure walked towards me.My breath was lost as I realised who it was.

"Wheres Tyson?" It was Kai! I was so excited I could hardly look at him without feeling my heart flutter like the butterflies trapped in my stomach. I stuttered for a moment, my A's and E's slipping out like The Invisible Man from his prison cell.

"Tyson..hes,ahh..."I felt like such a fool but Kai smiled as if to say 'You suck Hilary' but in a teasing manner.

"Kai!" Tyson greeted his old friend with a tap on the shoulder. Tyson had just got back form the butchers,obviously finding food to 'satisfy the emptiness inside left by the departure of his friends'. "So, Kai, you are four days early. Whatcha gonna do?" I could think of a few things to answer had he asked me, but none were appropriate for someone with a mind like Tysons. "I just came here.." The innocence filled me with bliss that can only be felt when you are close to someone important. "Yeah, let Kai stay...hes a good boy." I didn't realise I had said that until Tyson poked me and grinned. I clasped my hands around my mouth and blushed the shade of the setting sun. Kai seemed to find it funny too. "Ok then, Kai, you can stay, _only because you are a good boy, though!"_ And with that Tyson felt the pain of a stiletto heel colliding with his shin.

The days seemed so long now Kai was here, but he was hardly ever around. At breakfast time I'd make food for Tyson and Grandpa - Of which Tyson would carry to him on a tray- but leave some extras for Kai. I knew Kai had eaten them since when I got home from school the plate was empty. I couldn't help but give Tyson a sidelong glance, even though I knew it could NO WAY have been him. For dinner it was same. I'd have mine with Tyson but leave some out for Kai. I'd retreat to my room to 'study' -because thats what some people do outside school- and when I'd come back the plate would be empty. I took to writing a small note and leaving it beside the food. I noticed when I came home on Wednesday that the note had been taken and the food gone. "Strange.." I'd mutter, cleaning up, but oddly enough on that very day Kai appeared behind me. "Hilary.." I never knew he could actually talk without being asked something before. "Hilary, I haven't known you long at all, have I?" I felt his hand clutch my shoulder as I refused to face him. He pulled me so I had no choice but to turn. His eyes were shining as brightly as the ocean would shine with the sun reflecting off it. I couldn't help smile. I could tell he wanted me to say something so I chose "So, did you see the note I left by your food or did Tyson eat the food before you got to it?" It was a cheeky remark about Tyson, one that was guaranteed an acception of me 'Not liking Tyson in 'that way''. Kai just smiled. "The note said to 'enjoy the food'. Nothing about me being a good boy so that must mean.." He lowered his lips to my ear. I thought he was going to bite my ear, I was afraid and embarassed of that, but he whispered "So that means I can be _baaad_".

He added emphasis to the 'Bad' making it longer and sounding rather...erm..

That was all he said as he turned away and headed out to some unknown place. I only hoped we'd meet like that again in the future. This is a side of Kai I never knew about, and a side of Kai I absolutely ADORE!

End of Chapter Four

And the story finally starts taking shape! I added in humour, I suppose this was the most romantic chapter SO FAR. I seem to have a thing for capitals, whereas at start it was _italics _ that I used most. I'm having the most fun I've ever had with a fanfict, actually this is my first online one but I've written lots offline. I'm starting to feel that I have a 'knack' for writing. How can I use that knack I wonder..? Anyway I hope you enjoyed it. Next chapter will be a horror one. I FORGOT TO KILL SOMEONE IN THIS CHAPTER! God damnit.

xxxWickedEvilxxx Nicola xxx


	5. Chapter 5

Ahh I'm back for Chapter Five! I only have a vague idea of what this could be about, I think it will be the longest chapter yet. Have you noticed how each of my chapters is longer than the last? I've got an idea of writing a new story about Hilary, I really seem to enjoy writing from her POV! Its difficult to try and be her because we are different characters completely, I'm trying my best.

I seem to be taking this fanfict way too seriously lol I actually found myself daydreaming about it thinking "Should she... should she ... or perhaps even..." and it really is funny since its like the story has taken control of my body and mind. As long as people like it I suppose its ok to feel strong about the story.

Disclaimer: You know it already, I really don't own any of the characters. Oh and all the things about Hilarys family ARE NOT real. I don't know if she has a brother, I don't even know if she has any parents.

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Chapter Five

I had another dream and this one was much more horrific than the other two . I'd fallen asleep rather early after gaining a slight headache from thinking of Kai, I remembered that I had an exam tomorrow. It was a maths exam and to be honest I was dreading it as though it was my early death. Tyson told me to relax since I'd done more studying than him and he thought I'd pass it with flying colours. I told him he must be insane to think so high of me. He blushed. Anyway, in the dream I saw blocks of flats, they reminded me how a hospital looks from the outside, looming high into the sky, thousands of windows belonging to ill and dying people. I wondered if it was a hospital but was informed it was a flat since each window had a balcony and on many were lines strung full of clothes.

Ahh. I bet I know where I am, I thought at the time. My dads flat. I'd recieved a letter saying he had moved into a flat in a foreign country. New York, I think it was called, I've never been there but the flats were how I imagine it would look. I walked closer to the flats. The mysterious figure I had believed to be Kai (No way, Kai's kind...isn't he?) appeared in front of me at that exact moment."Hilary, you finally made it", he greeted in his cool tone. "I've made it, master Kai. Now what?" I expected an answer but I noticed he had started walking closer towards the building.I followed as a sheep would a shepherd and realised he was leading me to my fathers flat- both addresses on the letter I was sent and on the sign post outside were identical.

After the voyage to my fathers room, Kai handed me a weapon like none other. A sword, it appeared, much like the ones I'd seen in those horrible films that were to do with killing.I opened the door, it didn't seem locked, and saw my dad. "An evil demon...!" he screamed in fear at me. "Dad, its me, don't be scared...I love you!", He wasn't listening. He was pleaing for his life, on his knees. "I'll do anything, I'll kill myself for you, look..." he gazed out the window and I saw a silvery tear slide down my dads stubby cheek. He must have been too busy to shave. Or distressed. "See, outside there somewhere I have a family. We'll never be together. And the only way I can be with them is if I enter the realms above." He looked up at the ceiling as if expecting to see me, mum and Joey (my brother) smiling down at him. Perhaps he did see, since his eyes were filled with happiness of which I'd never seen before. I didn't know what was going on.. and then he spoke in a calm voice " I won't let you two be together, I won't let you breath the same air. Kai, go, leave me in peace." He was looking right at me. And my arm swung, without my consent, knocking him out the large glass window, spraying me with glass that bounced off as though I was made of a strong material.

The morning after the dream, I recieved a note. It was Thursday now and I was feeling sick. After reading the letter I couldn't help but feel even sicker. I lunged for the bathroom door, opening it as though I was turning a page in a book, And I found myself wretching over the toilet, not controlling where my food went. Tyson came in and found me crumpled on the floor in fits of tears. It took me a while to catch my breath. "My dad, Tyson, my dad..my dad hes-" Tyson pulled me close in an embrace that I could've pretended was Kai had the dream not happened and had I not read the letter. "Hush, Hilary. No more, go back to bed, you aren't well enough to go to school...you can always resit the exam anyway.." I was outraged but unable to reply. Had I been younger I would've thought my tongue was broken, since my mouth was numb after vomiting and my voice refused to communicate with Tyson. I retreated to my bed, I didn't wake until I heard the sound of Tysons Grandpa shout out in rage. I sat up, sunlight pouring in a long stripe through the curtains, and stretched my arms. "Grandpa? Are you there?" It was a silly question to ask but it made sense to do so. I sat up in my nightdress and admired the lace design pattened on the sleeves. I actually did feel like a princess, would you believe. When I had stood up I immediately went to check the clock in the kitchen. Quarter past nine in the morning. Yikes.

It was a lonely Thursday and since Tyson was away at school I remained in bed for most of the day. I was borderlined between sleep and wake, listening to Tysons Grandpa get out of bed and start moving around. I noticed he didn't come check up on me, it seemed very much out of his character since he usually gave out sympathy and wanted to help people. After a few hours he called me. "Hilary? Is everything ok?" I wasn't sure how to reply. Should I say 'No Grandpa, of course not, I killed my dad in my sleep' or 'the man I love is a psychopath'. I think its best to treat things like this as a dream, try and suck all the laughter out of the desparate situation. I mean, heck there is no proof that I was even involved in my fathers death..is there? I decided to answer with "I'm fine, it must have just been a bug or something. Thank you anyway.." He was already heading for the door, I could hear the soft thud of his slippers on the wooden floorboards. It made me feel isolated that the one person who was old enough to understand what I was going through had deserted me.I felt Isolated and a little bit angry.

When Tyson came home I noticed he literally sprinted up the stairs as if time was running out for him and any second his heart was going to stop. He opened the bedroom door with a crash that damaged it slightly, and settled down beside me feeling my head and asking if there was anything he could do. I snuggled down and told him that I needed some advice. "Advice, what..you think _I_ can be useful!" It was mock question implying that I didn't like him. I found it hilarious and cheered up instantly. He must've seen because he blushed, leaving me feeling rather strange. I don't like him like that, do I? No...NO! I wanted to pretend he was Kai. I had to. Because the feeling of loneliness is so hard to shake off, I was willing to play a silly childish game just to help my emotions. "Tyson..." I pulled him near me, wanting to clutch onto him for support."I need to tell you something..."

So I told him the entire story, how Kai was forcing me to do dirty work in my dreams, how my father had died and it was my fault, how I missed my family...he took it all in and let me cry on his shoulder. It was really upsetting.

End Of Chapter Five

I've been meaning to update for ages now. Anyway, I've worked out there will be eight chapters overall, but this one was stalled slightly near the end. So there might be nine, which is my unlucky number, so it will probably be ten. I think having 4 reviews is brilliant for me, since I wasn't expecting to get any at all. I think I'm doing really well at the moment, so I'll keep it up.

R&R please!

xxWickedEvil xx


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